to forgive or forget...

I never really been able to separate the two. Like so many other things I cant separate; my toothbrush/toothpaste, my hand/phone, my heart/mind. I have issues - some caused by others but all the same, that's something I have to deal with.

Ok, so we've found something already that I don't have a concrete answer too. I will though. I always find one. There's nothing wrong with not knowing; it's what you do next to find out.

^_^

Arguing... for what though?

"You have the ability today to finally let a certain special lover go..." Or something along those lines. That's what my horoscope read this morning. After, I had to go through a bunch of bullshit last night.

Ever been with someone who thrives off the relationship through arguing?
It's like seriously dude, grow up. Arguing is NOT the best method to communicate.

How about this; if you're going to argue with me all day and night - the next morning I shouldn't have 5 missed calls from you. Let's cut the shit. The bottom line is he/she wants you in their life, they just refuse to grow the fuck up. With that, he/she expects you to stay with them through all the immaturity. God bless them, but in their flawed little minds they don't know that immature love only works when both partners are immature. I never want to change my number. That's just the last resort sometimes.

Can he/she answer this though? Why are we arguing? I mean we can't make up because it's over. Ohhhh, EPIPHANY!! You KNOW we're over and arguing with me for you is a way to try to rekindle our past cycle. Break up to Make up. It has to be made clear... that cycle has been discarded.

where to begin...

After 1, 2, 3, 4, ... 13 consecutive unanswered texts to my recent ex boyfriend; I had an epiphany. Half of the things I say to him, I don't think he comprehends. So, why not talk to someone who does? Being told numerous of times that I "play" love like chess. Why not? I've been working through my own love drama and as of right now I have three open cases I'm working on for others. For some time now I have been miserable and most of it comes from me knowing exactly what I should do, pertaining to the relationship, but just can't do it. A feud between heart and mind. I've learned to play knight and not queen.

So, now I ask myself where to start. This blog is far from somewhere to vent. I read between the hype. The promotion of love by the media and the one individual selling you the story. I grew up in a house with a mom like you never knew. I was three when she started filling me in about sex. Birds and the bees? I still don't know how that story goes. All I got was "coochie and penis". [hahaha] Then on the flip, I was a daddy's girl. He put things to me very simply. In a way easy to understand; the "man way". Men aren't as complicated as women think they are. It's always to the point and simple, EVEN if they're playing their infamous games.

Yes, once upon a time I was a full blown tomboy. Then puberty hit. Now, I'm a sexy, young, independent woman that likes to drive motorcycles, ATVs and jet skis. I like nothing less than 20inch rims on my car. Point? I get the guy and I get the lady. When I "play chess", I understand the position of each player and work with the dynamic of each piece. I just get it and a commodity I feel I've been blessed with.

This is my task. Try to put my words into text and record my personal love/life hassles and others as I go.
Most likely tonight will be a night one of my cases of my own drama arises. Sunday's are always busy.

Signing Off As,

Teesh Shanice

Self Made Matter of the Heart sitter, Photographer & Daughter.